Interstellar Threat Alert

(威胁警报,위협 경고, Alerte menace, предупреждение угрозы, Bedrohung Alarm, tahadhari tishio, alerta de amenaza, खतरा चेतावनी, alerta ameaça, 脅威の警告,avviso minaccia, συναγερμού απειλή )


Apollo Weeper

Warning: Apollo reconstituted himself and is appearing throughout the galaxy demanding to be worshipped. But he's leading with his most effective weapon this time. Giving him plenty of sycophants to serve him on some distant planet somewhere. Reportedly, if you see him weeping, you'll feel so sorry for him you'll bow obsequiously in humble servitude forever. So, if you don't want to spend the rest of your existence gathering laurel leaves, don't look at him! One glimpse of his Medusan tears and it's all over.


The Eymorgs of Sigma Draconis VI, who, in the past, used super-intelligent live brains to power their supercomputer, The Controller, have reverted back to their previous behavior and are currently seeking a new brain. Traveling with a Vulcan is recommended.

Don’t Lose Your Mind

If you want to keep your brain in your head and avoid trying to explain to customs how you lost your mind, follow these simple steps designed to keep you from looking like you have the cognitive skills of a Tribble.

For starters, keep a flask of Romulan ale in your vest pocket at all times. A couple of sips, here and there, are sure to scramble your synaptic nerve endings for extended periods of time, this is to keep your intellect from registering on the Sarek Intelligence Scale, (Fifth Edition).

Also, if you are the unfortunate passenger of a ship that doesn't have a Vulcan science officer, check the ship’s manifest for a, hopefully, corporeal being with an IQ of 2005 and make sure that humanoid stays near you...or just check the manifest to make sure you're not the biped with the highest IQ.

The only other way to keep your brain sealed up tightly in your head is to have some forethought and bring a spare brain with you. Swing by Ceti Alpha V and grab a genetically-engineered superhuman to take along on the trip. Make sure you keep him on ice, though, otherwise, he'll try to take over the ship. His superior genetic breeding is sure to attract galactic head-hunters like moths to a flame.

An example of a super-duper supreme brain.


Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

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